Under Construction

I feel like my blog should have a great big flashing sign on its home page:

**WARNING! BLOG UNDER CONSTRUCTION! CREATIVE ROAD BUMPS AHEAD!**

Finding the right style - both aesthetic and literary - has been a bit of a challenge for me. What do I want to say? Is my blog content interesting? Humorous? Relevant and relatable to other people's lives and experiences? These are the questions I'm working on answering.

Trouble is, I'm finding that a good amount of my creative genius comes to me in the middle of the day (i.e., while my mind is wandering at work) and I'm having a hard time getting the really good content down fast enough. For example, yesterday I was standing at the copy machine with several documents in hand that needed to either be faxed, scanned or copied and sent to one of my 75 wedding clients (yes, I actually have 75 groups this year - not bad for a little hotel) and as my mind was circling aimlessly (when I should have been thinking about the other many and varied tasks on my plate) I began thinking about my failed Almond Roca bars from the night before, which got me to thinking that many of my cooking/baking experiments turn out poorly, which lead to - flash of genius! - a blog inspiration (soon to follow). Then, of course, it was difficult to focus the rest of the day, as my twitchy little fingers were just itching to blog away the afternoon in creative bliss. Alas, I finished the day with commendable work ethic (I don't think I can say the same for today) and went home, where I promptly lost all the great ideas I'd spent the afternoon concocting about my newest blog entry.

Sigh.

In any case, I'm feeling a little intimidated about my blogs now that I'm following some of my friends and being followed in return! This is exactly what I wanted, of course, but now that I know people are actually reading my stuff...well, I'm on a mission to produce my best work.

So bear with me as I test the literary waters with a timid toe. I know I ought to just dive right in, but if you know me at all...you know that's just not me.

Is There Anybody Alive Out There?

"I want a thousand guitars
I want pounding drums
I want a million different voices speaking in tongues.

This is radio nowhere
is there anybody alive out there?"

-Bruce Springsteen, Radio Nowhere

I've been thinking a lot lately about The Unanswerable Question: What are we doing here, anyway?

Nothing like starting a weeks-long blogging hiatus on a light-hearted note.

But I can't help myself. What, exactly, is it that I am doing here - on this earth, in this apartment, at my job, in my family, for my friends, for the "greater good" - on any given day? I've become brooding and moody lately because I don't have the answer to this question. There are days when I feel like all I am doing is going through the motions, wasting the earth's resources and depleting other people's time and energy with my very existence. I wonder what it is I produce every day, and then weigh that perceived "production" against its actual value and importance. I see my daily "production" on a bell curve, with human factors on one end and socio-economic factors on the other, meeting in the middle at the apex of the curve to provide the ultimate measure of my worth. For example: bringing in revenue for the hotel falls somewhere in the middle range of the socio-economic side of the curve, as it's both part of my job and provides, indirectly, additional revenue to our hospitality partners in Seattle, bringing positive growth to the city and (in theory) happiness to its inhabitants as it sustains jobs, etc.... Doing the Race for the Cure today is high on the human side of the curve, as it was an activity that provides emotional and financial support for those struggling with breast cancer, and keeps me connected to close friends and family that I love so much.

However, knowing what my bell curve looks like isn't the same thing as knowing what gets me to the apex and brings value to my existence. What's the magic level of commitment to career, hobbies, activities, causes, family and friends that makes us feel needed, important, powerful, successful, positive, truimphant? Nobody knows. Springsteen's lyrics, though, make me think that we're all in the same place, to some extent - searching for more in our lives ("I just want to hear some rhythm") and trying to achieve the life balance that brings us to the apex. I take a small measure of comfort in thinking that maybe some others are wondering the same thing: "Is there anybody alive out there?" Hm.

Am I?